Forgive my delay, dear comrades, as I have been busy keeping tabs on the caterpillar-faced man-boy. I must keep him in my sight at all times for fear that he may be secretly plotting (with the help of “cat”) my ultimate demise. I’ll explain further in yesterday’s notes.
Day 2 in captivity:
0900: The human man is disturbed from his undoubtedly nefarious slumber by my barking. I’ll use my obviously undeniable cuteness to lure him into taking me for a run.
0930: Phase 1 of immobilizing the human and licking him into submission is successful. After convincing him (through some canine-telepathy) to go for a run and “get in a shape,” I led the human over a slanted piece of sidewalk and nearly broke his ankle. Man-boy may only be exactly as smart as he looks.
1100: Phase 1 has backfired. Man-boy took almost two hours to hobble back to his base after uttering countless expletives. This, however, should keep him from corroborating with “cat” in their sinister arrangements.
1230: The human aggressor has taken siesta on his living couch. I was able, through my extensive training, to steal his mobile social media machine and provide proof of my assault. See figure 1:
1400: It is pretty evident to me now that my captor aims to eat me, as I have learned he is of “oriental” descent.
1600: Suspicions confirmed: Though I have managed to resist eating solid foods, the human continues to feed me peanut butter. He is surely fattening me for the slaughter.
All for now. I fear the remainder of what life I have left will be spent in a 5-foot radius of this furry-faced tyrant. It saddens me to the depth of my being that I will never see my owner again, but it has been 3 full days with no sign of her. I am all but convinced that she has abandoned me.
"This dog’s days are over." - Florence, the Machine